Little baby girl.

One thing is for sure: this baby girl is in TROUBLE!!!!! Not even born yet and she has caused so much trouble already, she's going to be grounded until she's 50.
Many of you might know what's going on, (many of you might not but not be interested anyway) but since this blog is also a way to keep record for our family, here it is anyway.
Ok, on my first ultrasound, I had the 25th of May as my due date, making me today 18 weeks and 3 days, and my ultrasound yesterday showed that I was 19 weeks. The Doctor said we'll still go with the 25th, so Jennie, the calendar still has it right :)
On Tuesday the 30th of November I started spotting a little bit, but after talking to the nurse, she told me not to worry that it was normal. On Friday of that same week, however, I woke up to have a heavier bleeding, so we called the doctor and they ordered me an ultrasound, in which showed that I have a tear between the wall of the uterus and the sac. The good news is that the tear was away from the placenta, the bad news is that the tear could get bigger, so they told me to take it very easy, lay down as much as possible, which means that I have to lay down most of the day, if I have to get up and do something light, then do it, but then go back to bed. I did, I came back and I spent the rest of the day on the couch, but still that night when I woke up at 3am to use the bathroom, I was soaked in blood and the bed and just imagine a lot of blood so I don't have to keep describing. Dane took me to the E.R. right away and after several exams, and since they were unable to compare the results from both ultrasounds, it was determined that baby and I were Ok, so I was sent home with a double order to take it easy, which I've been trying, but this 3 little girls make it very hard. Then on Sunday night I woke up again in the middle of the night bleeding again, and this time also with a horrible pain, which ended up being contractions, and then the doctor was not concerned just for the tear getting bigger, but also for me going on labor, because that early in pregnancy, there is nothing it could be done. Sooooo, days have passed, and I have had some bleeding on and off, and pain on and off as well, and severe pain and bleeding if I try to even do any moderate effort. Yesterday I had another ultrasound in which we received some good news and some bad news. Good news, baby is alive and ok. Bad news, I'm not just not healing, the tear is still there, I have hematoma all over the place and the placenta is also bleeding and starting to detach. So, as little as I feel like I've been doing, apparently I'm still doing too much. It's tough to balance, especially with the girls. And to be honest, the emotional part is just as hard as the physical, e.g. Today Dane was working, and my mom had to go out, so I left the girls downstairs watching a movie while I lay down, because I started having one of those episodes of severe pain, but when the worst part of the pain was over I got up again, and I heard Giada yelling "Mom, arriba!!" (That’s what she says when she wants to be picked up) and my heart was shattered in tiny little pieces knowing that I couldn't go get her and that I was alone to ask for help. So she had to sit on the swing for 4 long hours until my mom came back, that whole time feeling desperate to just be able to have her in my arms. I miss my little Giada so much and I know it's been tough on her as well, because at least I know why I'm doing it, but as much as I explain it to her, I know she doesn't understand why I don't hold her anymore as I used to. So on top of everything, I'm also an emotional wreck, so please forgive me.
Anyway, so this is what's happening with this little baby and all the mess she's causing without even knowing. But she's more than worth it, my sweet little angel.

Tic tic tic tic..... Tic tic tic tic

That is the sound that has kept me up the past two nights. Tic tic tic tic..... Tic tic tic tic..... ARGH! There were TWO mice in the kitchen. Weather starts getting colder, field animals start looking for refuge. I understand how it works, and I've always worked really well with those animals: they come, I kill them. We HAD a system. When Dane and I saw these 2 mice, the first was under the stove and the second was under the fridge. They were NOT scared or shy as mice are supposed to be. We were talking in the kitchen, laughing even as these shameless creatures CAME OUT from their hiding place! We looked at them, and they went on their business like nobody was there. After taking Dane to the train station, I went to buy some mouse traps, and came back home with 6 of them. The first poor mouse was trapped within the hour. The second one HOWEVER has kept well away, and it doesn't matter where I put the traps, it keeps avoiding them. Dane said that when there were two, they were braver, but now that it's down to one, the mouse is as scared as a mouse should be. Well, I don't know what to do. I have the kitchen covered in mouse traps (child safe traps, or Giada would already be a goner. She gets into everything.) but the mouse is still here enjoying the benefits of our home. And the Tic tic tic tic..... Tic tic tic tic continues EVERY night, and every night I go to the kitchen, open cabinet doors, the oven, EVERYTHING, but the stupid thing is nowhere to be seen! If any of you knows The Pied Piper, PLEASE give me the phone number, you know how much pregnant women treasures her sleep, and this tic tic tic is depriving me of a privilege that was sparse to begin with.

Shower Prayers

Most of my significant prayers happen in the shower. If you ask a mom with little kids, you'll know that this is not so uncommon. This particular day however, I was not praying for anything specific, mostly just being grateful for the wonderful family I had been blessed with. That's when it happened. I was hit with a feeling so overwhelming, it had me holding on to the shower walls and crying (bawling actually) and I couldn't control myself for a while. The feeling that I had was that we were supposed to have another baby, and it was so strong, loud and clear but also sweet and tender at the same time.
When Giada was born it never occurred to me that we were done having babies, but one day talking about it with Dane he said he thought we shouldn't have anymore. I complained for a while so we got to the compromise that if our financial situation changed dramatically before I turned 35 (because I don't wanna have kids after 35 and the gap between kids would be just too big) then we would have more kids. So that day when I had that feeling, and I was able to get a hold of myself, I looked up and said "OK, but if you want me to have another baby, you are gonna have to talk to Dane because he is the one who doesn't want to." That same week, just one or two days after that day, Dane came to me saying that he thought we should have another baby. I am embarrassed to say that I panicked. I thought he would be much more difficult to convince than that, and I didn't even expect to feel the way I was feeling. But all those months of struggling financially made me more content with the decision of not having any more kids than I was aware of. So when Dane came to me saying that he felt we should have another baby, I was too scared. I argued about how or situation hadn't changed and reminded him of our agreement. For a while we continued that way, with him bringing up the subject almost every day and me refusing. Inside of me I knew he was right and I knew what I had to do but I was so scared I didn't even bring myself to tel him about the experience I had. Finally he convince me to fast and pray about it with him (I was afraid he would suggest this for I knew what the answer would be) but I agreed to do it. One Sunday, I think it was the last Sunday of July, we finally got to it and when we were going to bed I went to the bathroom and when I came out Dane had a very peculiar expression on his face. I asked him what was up and he said "You knew didn't you? you know we were supposed to have another baby and you didn't tell me" I started laughing and I told him about that day in the shower. He said "Oh great, so what are we doing here? we are just being hungry for nothing!" So I called my OBGYN the next day to make an appointment to get my IUD removed, and I had it done on the 20th of August. The 21st of September I had a positive pregnancy test.
We are really excited about this baby, and even though I am so embarrassed that I doubted and refused to follow what I knew we were supposed to do, now that I did I couldn't be happier. We couldn't be happier. This is such a great blessing and we are so full of joy.
We wanted to wait until I was 12 weeks along to tell people, but let's be honest, with my 4th baby, there is no way I can hide this for so long. I already feel like I can't hide it anymore because my clothes already don't fit me the same.
So there you have the story behind the news. This is a very special story for us and we hold it very close to our hearts, so we thought it would be nice to share it with you all.

Leah's first day of School.

A new adventure started today. My little baby Leah, who apparently is not a baby anymore started school today. I can hardly believe she is going to school because I can remember how little she felt in my arms when she arrived in this world and I could swear it hasn't been that long, but there she was, happy and excited as always when there is a new adventure ahead.
I was a little misinformed about the bus schedule. I was told that the bus would get to the stop at 8:45AM so when Leah yelled at 8:28 "Mom, I just saw the bus pass by!!!" I was NOT happy about that. Luckily she was all ready to go and it was I who had to go out with my hair looking like a mop. But that is not the sad part. I wanted to take pictures and video of her walking to the bus, the bus arriving, her getting in the bus, and instead, I had to run out the door, yell at Amy harmer to please tell the bus driver to wait, ran dragging Leah up the street and rush her in the bus, and then ran back to the house to get Dane so we could follow the bus. So we did, we got in the car as fast as we could and started following the bus all the way to School. Along the way, I realized we had 2 more cars driving behind us so we were not the only sentimental parents out there.
Leah was so cute, she was sitting on the very back of the bus with Mary Jane (Amy Harmer's daughter) and we saw her every time one of her friends got in the bus, getting up waving and greeting them.
We got to the school and I ran to be able to take pictures of Leah getting off the bus and going with her friends. (I had to have at least that). She wasn't one bit nervous, just very happy and excited. She was all ready to go and take the world in her hands while I was left there trying my hardest to be brave and let go. I've always said Leah is way braver than me.
When it was time, i went outside to wait for the bus and she got here so happy telling me all about her day, and she just loved it, every second of it. She was telling me so many things and i wanted to remember every word, so I started writing down our conversation, this is what I got:
Me: Who did you ride the bus with?
Leah: Janie, we rode the bus together on our way there and on our way back too.
Me: What did you do during recess?
L: We stayed inside because it was raining so hard, so we had story time and animal crackers. The white kind.
Me: What was your favorite thing you did in school today?
L: I had two favorite things: coloring a train, and making the “hero” hat.
Me: Tell me about the hero hat.
L: I put stars on it, and the reason why it's called a hero hat it’s because it has the word hero on it. We also read a story about trains.
Me: And what was it about?
L: A little red train was gonna take some toys to the children on the other side of the mountain. , but the engine broke down, so the toys and some other engines trid to help bring the toys to the other side of the mountain. And some of the trains were different kinds of trains, and one of the black trains was just too tired to move. And then a little blue train came and the little blue train could take the toys to the other side of the mountains. But it was a very little train, so he didn’t think he could bring the toys to the other side of the mountain, but he did! And when the little train went up the mountain he said “I think I can, I think I can I think I can” and then when the train was at the very top of the mountain he said “I knew I could”
Me: Wow, that's a beautiful story. You have that book here. Granny and Grampa gave it to you when you were smaller than Giada. Now tell me about your teacher.
L: She was very nice to me. Her name is Mrs. Oaekson.
Me: Did you get to play?
L: Well, not really.
Me: Did you make any new friends?
L: Aha, yeah, they were very nice.
Me: Do you remember any of their names?
L: No… not really.
Me: What else do you wanna talk about?
L: About my soup, it's ready!
So that was it for my interview because little empty stomachs make remembering hard. We did laugh a lot at her comment though :)
Here are some pictures. Forgive that they are not in the right order. this blogger thing is crazy and I'm out of time to fix it...

Wishing upon a star...

The other day we went to have dinner with Dane and when we came out of the restaurant there was one star and the "smiling" moon on the sky. Leah was quick to start the "star light, star bright" thing. Then we got in the car and she repeated it, and she made a wish I was not able to hear because she's well aware that if you wish out loud the wish won't come true. Then she helped Bella with the rhyme and Bella asked Leah to cover her ears so she could make her wish. Leah covered her ears but I must be honest, I wanted to listen to what she had to say. She wished "with all her heart" she said, that she could have long her like her sister. Then she told Leah that she was done wishing and Leah uncovered her ears, then Bella said "I can't wait to get home to see if my wish came true". Dane and I were almost in tears at this moment but had to pretend we didn't hear what she said. I wanted so bad that she would wish for something we could give her, but this is something I can't do anything about. I "explained" to her that sometimes wishes don't come true right away, but that even if they take a while it doesn't mean that the wish won't come true. Her hair is longer than it used to be a year ago, but it grows very slow.
I hope you won't mind, if you see Bella, to tell her how pretty and long her hair is. It would help a little 3 and a half year old heart to be happy and to keep wishing upon a star.

Spring is here!

I didn't feel like greeting spring quite yet. Too much snow for that, but when I look out the window I see green and blue (and lots of bugs) so it seemed appropiate.
Spring brought with it lots of good things, for once there is my beautiful little niece Leila, and some days there's even good weather.
We also had Tobi here in Utah for one short week, and we got to spend some wonderful time with her. It was so cute to see how Leah was desperate to "help" Granny see what her life is like now and all the things she does and the things she is into. I'm so glad Granny was able to go to a gymnastics class, it meant so much for them and for me too. I know it wasn't easy for her.
Spring brought me Giada's 18 months! That means she goes to nursery now. I've all but forgotten what it feels like to be able to sit down during sunday school and RS and pay attention, instead of walking around the hallway for 2 hours.
Spring has also brought me back the front and backyard. The girls just LOVE to go out there and play. They go for hours at a time, and they make up a new game every time. I love to go out and ask what they are doing and they tell me things like "This is an enchanted land and there are fairies everywhere", or "we are under the sea and we are swimming with mermaids" and things like that.
It has brought me back going out on walks or to the park with the girls wich we absolutely love.
There are so many good things that come with spring but one of my favorites is the way I feel. The weather has always had an impact or an influence on my mood, so after 6 months of gray skies and naked trees, when Spring comes I just feel lighter (and not just because I've lost over 30 pounds since last Spring) but because I feel happier and feel full of hope and full of plans. For me Spring is when the new year begins and I'm just so exited to greet the sun and say "hello life, here I come!"

Easter.

Another story.

Ok, the other day the girls were very patient with me with all the things I had to do before making their lunch, so, I told them I was going to make them something special. They decided they wanted pancakes. I started taking the ingredients out and I said "I don't know how I let you girls trick me into this, I just finished cleaning the kitchen, and now I'm making it dirty again" Leah responded, "Well, I have an idea, how about when you are done using the ingredients, you put them away" I looked at her trying not to laugh and I said "how about I just swat you" and Bella said "No! That would be rude!" and Leah said "And anyway, that wouldn't be listening to the Holy Ghost".

My sweet girls.

This are just a couple of things the girls have said recently that if i don't get them here, I will forget, and i don't want that to happen.
Leah:
The other day she was sad, so I played with her, and she was a little better but after a few minutes I saw that she was sad again, so i sat her on my lap and asked her what was wrong, and she said she didn't know. i asked her if she wanted me to sing a song for her, and she said yes, so I sang "I am a child of God" for her and when it was over, I started telling her how wonderful it was going to be when we lived with our heavenly Father again, I said "we are never going to get sick again, or get sad or tired", and she said "and daddy is never going to have to go to work again?"
We were talking the other day with Leah what the meaning of Christmas is, and after I explained to her that it was Jesus' birthday she said "really? so, why do we get the presents instead of Him?" and I said, well, we could give Him a Christmas present, and He will be sooo happy, because almost nobody remembers to give Him a present on His birthday. So she asked me what we could give Him since we can't see him, and I said "well, we can't see Him, but He can see us, and he knows everything we do, and what He likes the most, is when we do nice things for others" So she started planning what she was going to do for others (I will not say what the things are, because a lot of you who are reading are included in her plans) and we decided to write all the nice things she does on a notebook, and give that notebook to Jesus on Christmas day. A few days later, she was telling Dane about that, and he asked her what she was going to give Him, and she said "I'll whisper it in your ear" so she got close to his ear and told him about the present she had planned, and I asked her "why are you whispering?" and she said "because I don't want Jesus to hear, because I want it to be a surprise"
Bella:
The other day I was so hungry that I said "I'm so hungry I, could eat a cow!" I think she heard me because she just said "I am sooo hungry, I could eat a big, big, BIIIIIG butterfly!"
We just came back from gymnastics, and when we left, it was warm and sunny out there, so I didn't put the usual warjm clothes on them, but flip-flops, and a light jacket. When we left gymnastics it was raining and freezing cold, so I told the girls that we would be home soon and we would have some hot chocolate. When we got here, Leah said, "mami, remember you said we were going to have hot chocolate" and I said "Oh yeah, let's go have some" and I saw that Bella was kind of thinking about it and I asked her "Bella do you wanna have some hot chocolate?" and she said "No, I don't want any hot chocolate, I want just right chocolate".

I think I should update my Blog...

OK, it's been a LONG time, I know, but since I update my Facebook every day, I feel like I'm repeating myself with the Blog, and most of you might say "Oh, I already know that" and skip it anyway, but I feel guilty for not updating it, so here it is Ladies and Gentlemen, what you've all already read, (just kidding) The "what are we up to" update! (here's where you are supposed to clap. Seriously, I have a clap sensor and you are NOT clapping).
Well, since you are not gonna clap, and I don't wanna wait all day, I guess we better get started. Who do you want to read about first? Dane? you got it!

Dane:
He continues to work hard at Franklin Capital things there seem to be turning around so hopefully that means that promotions, raises, and bonuses will start being possibilities again. We’ll keep our fingers crossed and keep you posted. He still suffers from kidney stones from time to time, but is working on getting some medical treatment so hopefully we can do more than just drink more water to try to prevent them.
Annie:
She's working hard at loosing weight, but finds it hard sometimes to avoid temptation. However, she's managed to loose almost 30 pounds since she started her diet. She's trying to find a job that she can do at home, or that will allow her to bring the girls, but no success on that so far. She decided that she wants to study photography and wedding and event planning, and looks forward to the day she can finally do that.
Leah:
She started Gymnastics a couple of weeks ago, and she's doing fantastic! She has natural talent for that and she likes to practice a lot at home too. She's getting ready to attend Challenger School for the summer and then she'll start kindergarten on the fall. She's growing up fast, and she sure is smart! She had a talk on Primary last Sunday and she did great too. She loves to do homework, practice her letters, her numbers, her reading, and she loves to draw and color pictures. She also loves her little sisters and feels so proud of them every time they do something good.
Bella:
She's also going to Gymnastics class and she's also doing great! She can do things that even kids that have been there longer cannot do. She started going to Primary on January and she loves it! She likes doing "big girl" stuff and going to "big girl" Primary has made a huge difference in our lives. She used to hate going to church, and now she loves it too. I couldn't blame her since there was a kid in Nursery who used to hit her and be mean to her every Sunday. She's also getting ready to go to Challenger for the summer and I'm very excited about that. She's bright and smart and that school has the right method to teach them.
Giada:
She started walking when she turned 13 months and now she's all over the place! She's a great dancer, and has moves that leave me with my mouth hanging. She's also starting to talk a little bit and she surprised us by saying her first word in Spanish: "Arriba!" (up) it's the cutest thing. She also says "look!" all the time and she loves that she can communicate better now. She has a wonderful personality and she hates to see anyone sad. Actually, when she does something bad, I discovered that the best way to teach her she did something wrong is not by getting mad at her, but by showing her that she made me sad. It works like magic, and she does everything she can to make things better. She also gives the BEST kisses! She is like a bright sun making everyone around her happy. Her sisters love her to death and love to play with her. That's Giada's favorite thing, to play with them and follow them around. Before she learned how to walk, I could just see in her eyes how much she wanted to play with her sisters, but she could never keep up. Now that she can follow them around, she's the happiest baby in the world. I'm not exaggerating this, she hardly ever cries.
So that's what's happening with this side of the Sanders clan. I will be posting pictures soon, and I hope I'll get some clapping for that at least :)