When I look at my life as a whole, I can't use just one word to describe it, because I am just so full of different feelings and emotions, that just one word wouldn't suffice. I can't say that I am where I want to be in life, but I can't say that I'm not happy, because I am very happy. I can't say that I have everything that I want or everybody that I love, but I have a lot of people that I love, and a lot of the things that I want. There are things that I look forward to, and things that I miss dearly, so I thought I would try to come up with a list of some of the things, just for the fun of it, and you can have fun with me if you want.
I am so grateful for Dane. He is not perfect, and I am not perfect, but we grow together. I am better because of him, and he sais he's better because of me. In so many ways, I feel that he was created just for me, just by looking at his eyes I feel that my life is perfect and I understand the meaning of life. If I try to tell all the reasons why I love him so much, you would be reading this blog for a whole week. I am grateful for my girls. My biggest fear before I had Leah, was not being able to have kids, because I wanted it so much, but this goes far beyond being a mom or have kids. it is about being Leah's and Bella's and Giada's mom. They just make me SO happy, they are so wonderful and loving and have such big personalities. They brighten up my life, and I cannot imagine what my life would be without them. I am grateful for the gospel, for the principals that make my life so happy. Knowing that I can be with my family forever, that we won't be separated by time, or death or anything... I can't think of anything better than that. I love them so much that one lifetime is not enough. I'm grateful for eternity with my loved ones.
I miss my best friend. She's in Colombia and I just miss her so much. I feel that everybody that I know here already has a very exclusive circle of friends with no need for new ones, So I feel very lonely "girlfiend" wise. I miss Colombian food mmmmm..... I miss visiting with my mom and going "eye shopping" on saturdays. I miss dancing. I miss green all year long. I DON"T miss being freakishly white. Here, i'm just normal.
I hope Dane can go back to school. And Leah, she sure was learning so much. I hope that Giada doesn't have to be the last baby we have. I hope we can buy a nice house when we move out of here. I hope that when is time to move I can just close my eyes and magicaly appear in the new home, and don't have to go thru packing and unpacking again ;) I hope that one day I can have everybody that I love close to me or at least the possibility to go visit them so I don't have to miss so many people so much. I hope I can give my girls a bright future, and that I can teach them all I'm supposed to teach them. I hope I can be a good example for them and that I can be everything my Heavenly father wants me to be.
W39 of Y4
4 days ago